Saturday, May 16, 2009

Don't happy?

I'm a worrier by nature.

Well, maybe a little bit by "nurture" because my Mom is a worrier, my Grandma was a worrier and I'd venture to guess that my Great-Grandma was good at it too. My girls didn't stand a chance.

If there's nothing to worry about I have this system of running through my mind, thought tumbling upon thought, until I stumble upon a suitable "worry" zone to focus on. It's not a journey I consciously embark upon, it just happens before I realize that Elvis has left the building. It's maddening but I can't for the life of me make it stop.

There is a name for this little game that goes on in my mind.

"Creating Chaos."

Children who grow up in alcoholic homes have a tendency to possess this trait and carry it on into adulthood. That's because chaos becomes the norm in their household and they feel out of control. As adults they can subconsciously live out of the belief that if everything is "normal" (by society's standards), then something feels wrong. Thus the chaos must somehow be replicated for things to feel right.

ACOA's (Adult Children of Alcoholics) go about this in many different ways. Me, I choose worry. Pondering, thinking, wondering what could go wrong. What if, what if, what if. I have always been BIG on the "what-if's."

So add in this new diagnosis of Celiac Disease and the limitations it imposes and we now have:

Gwynn + everyday worry + Celiac Disease = WORRY!!!

Worry about safe foods.

Worry about the damage that's been done.

Worry about what to eat (this is a major part of every day.)

Worry about the fact I can't just go to a restaurant & eat "normal."

Worry that I'm becoming a pain in the ass & people wish I'd shut up.

Worry about unsafe foods.

Worry about my girls having inherited CD from me.

Worry that I'm worrying too much.

You get the drift - I worry.

I know the drill - worry isn't good for me. Worry makes a person sick. Stop worrying. You can't do anything about it so why worry?

If only there were a "worry" switch in my brain that I could somehow click to shut it down. Ah, now wouldn't THAT be lovely?!

Perhaps I could market such a switch and make millions of dollars helping the worriers of the world to be free of their own little dark clouds.

Nah. It would never happen. Because then the alcohol industry would lose BILLIONS of dollars in sales of their own brand of anti-anxiety medication. And let's not forget the pharmaceutical companies who would lose BILLIONS of dollars in sales of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds.

Which reminds me...I haven't taken my pills today.

Now THAT'S something to worry about.


  1. Nelishia said...
    Gwynn, I am sorry I haven't been over hear sooner. Please forgive me. Today I had you on my mind and had to come over. I so understand what you said because I come from the identical background. You've been a blessing in my life and a big encourager. I think that is one of your greatest gifts, and exhorter.
    Just coming by today to tell you that I'm thinking of you and that I care!
    Barbara said...
    Oh, dear Gwynn. I'm sorry I was so long getting by to see what you were dealing with. You know what I've been dealing with. ;o)

    I hope you can find some small comfort in the fact that "Do not fear." is the most often repeated command in the Bible. And Jesus asked us not to worry about anything but to pray in all things.

    Easier said than done, eh?

    I love you, and I miss you.

Post a Comment